St. Mom's Wort ... Plant extract that treats mom's depression by
rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
Empty Nestrogen ... Highly effective suppository that eliminates
melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as
teenagers and how you couldn't wait til they moved out.
Peptobimbo ... Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups
swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases
intelligence, and improves flirting.
Dumerol ... When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low
I.Q. causing enjoyment of country western music and WWF wrestling
Flipitor .. Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling
road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
Antiboyotics ... When administered to teenage girls is highly
effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and
reducing money spent on make-up.
Menicillin ... Potent antibiotic for older women. Increases
resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better
person ... can we get naked now?"
Buyagra ... Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping.
Increases potency and duration of spending spree.
Extra Strength Buy-one-all ... When combined with Buyagra, can
cause an indiscriminant buying frenzy so severe the victim may
even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.
Jack Asspirin ... Relieves the headache caused by a man who can't
remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
Anti-talksident ... A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be
used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total
strangers.
Sexcedrin ... Bedroom aerosol spray for men. More effective than
Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache,"
syndrome.
Ragamet ... When administered to a husband, provides the same
irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the
time and trouble of doing it herself.
Men-Gay ... A rub-in ointment that enables single women to
identify who to cross off the dating pool.
Subject: New drugs that may soon be on the market ... 
Thu Jul 26, 2007 1:12 am
